Turnaround

Why is it, God, that I can't read Your word anymore-
Or rather, why is it that the normal routines
Of reading a chapter or two in the morning wont do anymore?
It seems that even I am no longer fooled.
I want... something more, God.
I want You;
Not the glimpses and the occasional nod, I want fellowship.
I'm sick and tired of the routines, the rituals.
I want relationship.
And I know it's all been hinging on my getting to this point
When I break away from the chains of the mundane and dare to ask
For more:
So now I do.
I wont be distracted by daily life, by worries or cares,
By lies that this is all I can get;
Or the truth that this is more than I deserve.
I want more.
Please, Daddy, give me more of You.

No, I'm not deserving;
No I've not earned it;
No, I've not reaped a whole lot out of what You've already given;
Yet I want more.
Because I trust that this is by Your grace and not by my works.
I don't need to 'grow' up any further to be able to handle more You.
I can't handle any of You;
So if You've given the grace for me to contain this much,
Give me even more.

I want more You:
To love people more,
To think of myself less,
To devote my cares to You.
All my life, I've done it backward:
Hoping to attain all of these before feeling worthy
To see more of You in my life;
But where is it written
That You grade my performance and give Yourself as a reward?
You are my Father;
Your love and grace is my lifelong gift-
My birthright-
And I claim it, God.

Dear Yahweh,
Take over this needy heart,
This twisted body,
This polluted soul-
And use it all for Your glory.
God, my many imperfections I lift to You.
Do with them as You will.
May I never more set them up as a barrier,
As an excuse to hide from You;
But may I lay them all down,
Step by step,
Treading them underfoot as I walk
Hand-in-hand
With You.