January 2, 2013.
I'm so happy and hopeful about this year. For me, it marks the beginning of a new purpose I'm almost afraid to share- afraid because sharing makes me accountable to you... Oh well, the thing I am working on this year is: HUMILITY. Not the one you've seen all along; but true, inward humility in my thoughts and mindset. I've been praying in the last few days; and realised it's possibly the most important attribute in in this walk- and yet, it's the easiest to act over- as I have all these years. I've acted humble- said and done (and smiled) all the right things; BUT in my heart, maintained that superiority complex... the one that needs to be right all the time- in issues regarding Christianity, at home, school, in political discussions, you name it.
I so desperately needed to write the poem below that since I allowed laziness to overtake me after midnight last night, God did the Jonah on me. He graciously allowed me to get on the wrong train this afternoon; so that I made a 4-hour journey instead of a thirty-minute one (yes, I wanted to cry too. lol) But here too, grace found me; for it took me that long to write this (would you believe the final call for the station came right after I made the final correction to this piece? Hmmm).
NEW
I used to be- me
Just as tall, dark, pretty
Sorted out on the outside
As haughty, mean, ugly
Twisted up on the inside.
I used to- act humbly, speak softly, smile widely
While I judge harshly, resent fully and envy
I considered myself saved, and 'under construction'
But didn't think as highly of others and their actions
I used to
Expect everyone around me to clean up their act
And demand it of them without the least hint of tact
I used to want everyone to take my opinions as fact
Rather than live out Jesus; give out tracts
I would excuse my flaws;
Yet try others by my laws
Haul them into the court of my standards and lock the doors
Secretly condemned to a lifetime of my dislike; no pause
I used to mistake Your grace for my remorse.
I used to think
That if I felt strongly enough about something, it must be true
That every conviction of mine came straight from You
Rather than gird myself with Truth, I'd lift it as a sword
Rather than use it to bring peace, I sharpened it for war
Hide self-righteousness in a zealous armour
In pride, forget I'm prone to error.
I used to criticise things I don't understand
Like those 'Men-of-God', or rather, gods of man:
Make scathing remarks about the wrongs they do
Discuss them with everyone I know- but You.
I must have thought their sins a darker smudge than mine
But how many shades exist of greed, lies, lust, pride?
I used to be so incensed by the gospel of prosperity,
Its leaders and believers were enemies to me
And I went far out in my campaign
To discredit the frauds and clear Your name
Forgetting that I can't be 100% right and they 100% wrong
That You saved me from those same beliefs, it hasn't been that long
That Your Grace is sufficient; and Your Truth is strong
Enough to break Deception's bonds.
I used to lump the sin with the sinner- denounce them one and all
Running around condemning like a 21st century Saul
I was a toddler drowning in a judge's robes
With my narrow knowledge, handing out rope
You don't need my anger; protecting You is not my business
I'm called not to be Your lawyer but Your witness
You ask not my condemnation but my obedience
What they need is compassion, empathy for their weakness.
I'm so happy and hopeful about this year. For me, it marks the beginning of a new purpose I'm almost afraid to share- afraid because sharing makes me accountable to you... Oh well, the thing I am working on this year is: HUMILITY. Not the one you've seen all along; but true, inward humility in my thoughts and mindset. I've been praying in the last few days; and realised it's possibly the most important attribute in in this walk- and yet, it's the easiest to act over- as I have all these years. I've acted humble- said and done (and smiled) all the right things; BUT in my heart, maintained that superiority complex... the one that needs to be right all the time- in issues regarding Christianity, at home, school, in political discussions, you name it.
I so desperately needed to write the poem below that since I allowed laziness to overtake me after midnight last night, God did the Jonah on me. He graciously allowed me to get on the wrong train this afternoon; so that I made a 4-hour journey instead of a thirty-minute one (yes, I wanted to cry too. lol) But here too, grace found me; for it took me that long to write this (would you believe the final call for the station came right after I made the final correction to this piece? Hmmm).
NEW
I used to be- me
Just as tall, dark, pretty
Sorted out on the outside
As haughty, mean, ugly
Twisted up on the inside.
I used to- act humbly, speak softly, smile widely
While I judge harshly, resent fully and envy
I considered myself saved, and 'under construction'
But didn't think as highly of others and their actions
I used to
Expect everyone around me to clean up their act
And demand it of them without the least hint of tact
I used to want everyone to take my opinions as fact
Rather than live out Jesus; give out tracts
I would excuse my flaws;
Yet try others by my laws
Haul them into the court of my standards and lock the doors
Secretly condemned to a lifetime of my dislike; no pause
I used to mistake Your grace for my remorse.
I used to think
That if I felt strongly enough about something, it must be true
That every conviction of mine came straight from You
Rather than gird myself with Truth, I'd lift it as a sword
Rather than use it to bring peace, I sharpened it for war
Hide self-righteousness in a zealous armour
In pride, forget I'm prone to error.
I used to criticise things I don't understand
Like those 'Men-of-God', or rather, gods of man:
Make scathing remarks about the wrongs they do
Discuss them with everyone I know- but You.
I must have thought their sins a darker smudge than mine
But how many shades exist of greed, lies, lust, pride?
I used to be so incensed by the gospel of prosperity,
Its leaders and believers were enemies to me
And I went far out in my campaign
To discredit the frauds and clear Your name
Forgetting that I can't be 100% right and they 100% wrong
That You saved me from those same beliefs, it hasn't been that long
That Your Grace is sufficient; and Your Truth is strong
Enough to break Deception's bonds.
I used to lump the sin with the sinner- denounce them one and all
Running around condemning like a 21st century Saul
I was a toddler drowning in a judge's robes
With my narrow knowledge, handing out rope
You don't need my anger; protecting You is not my business
I'm called not to be Your lawyer but Your witness
You ask not my condemnation but my obedience
What they need is compassion, empathy for their weakness.
Run- to, from, around My Truth
I've never had a hope of escaping You
There in my every cranny and nook
Watching every misstep I took
Lost in mistakes, doubts, heartache
Found- when I thought I'd turned away
So Lord, I pray:
Keep my eyes open but my words kind
Shut down the courtroom in my mind
May I extend Grace, as You do me, to others
Not overestimate the good in me or the evil in my brothers
Keep me humble when I don't understand; when I don't know the truth
But God, even more so, keep me humble when I do.
I'm still the girl I was when the clock struck 12
And I can hardly recognize myself
It wasn't a resolution, the cheers, the ringing bells
The heady, but too temporary feelings of all being well
It's imperceptible; yet I can tell:
It's the same old me; yet somebody else.
Copyright (c) 2013, Nana Yaa A. Gyamfi
** In light of all this, here's what I want you to do... get out there and walk--better yet, run!--on the road God called you to travel... And mark that you do this with humility and discipline--not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences. You were all called to travel on the same road and in the same direction, so stay together, both outwardly and inwardly. You have one Master, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all... Everything you are and think and do is permeated with Oneness. (Ephesians 4:1-6; The Message; emphasis mine)
**"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you." (Romans 12:3; NIV)
I've never had a hope of escaping You
There in my every cranny and nook
Watching every misstep I took
Lost in mistakes, doubts, heartache
Found- when I thought I'd turned away
So Lord, I pray:
Keep my eyes open but my words kind
Shut down the courtroom in my mind
May I extend Grace, as You do me, to others
Not overestimate the good in me or the evil in my brothers
Keep me humble when I don't understand; when I don't know the truth
But God, even more so, keep me humble when I do.
I'm still the girl I was when the clock struck 12
And I can hardly recognize myself
It wasn't a resolution, the cheers, the ringing bells
The heady, but too temporary feelings of all being well
It's imperceptible; yet I can tell:
It's the same old me; yet somebody else.
Copyright (c) 2013, Nana Yaa A. Gyamfi
** In light of all this, here's what I want you to do... get out there and walk--better yet, run!--on the road God called you to travel... And mark that you do this with humility and discipline--not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences. You were all called to travel on the same road and in the same direction, so stay together, both outwardly and inwardly. You have one Master, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all... Everything you are and think and do is permeated with Oneness. (Ephesians 4:1-6; The Message; emphasis mine)
**"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you." (Romans 12:3; NIV)
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