When stuff about gay rights comes up, I usually feign deafness, dumbness, blindness and whatever else it takes to avoid the issue. The Nana Oye Lithur/gay rights issue has popped up in my News Feed a lot this week; but I told myself I didn't know the facts of the story and succeeded grandly at leaving it alone... until a memory popped up in my mind about five hours ago as I was lying here, unable to sleep.
2010, final year of undergrad. Saturday morning, I'm on my way to a class (UGBS 10 accounting peeps, you know which lecturer did that :) It's around 8am, so there aren't many people about, especially not on the roads leading to the faculties. On that stretch of road leading up to the Business School, I see him... heading in the same direction. It crosses my mind to offer him a ride, but... I'm torn. I drive past.
**Him: the openly gay undergrad student. Let's call him Guy. He was such a novelty and a shock, we didn't quite know what to do about him. There was such a buzz on campus about Guy and his antics. A number of girls hang out with him, some probably did because they thought a gay buddy would be fun/hip, as portrayed in sitcoms. The guys generally gave Guy wide berth.
**Me: A girl who had less than three years prior stated that if I found out a friend of mine was gay, I'd never speak to him/her again. My views had changed since then (I'll explain in a bit) but old habits are hard to break. My lip still did the involuntary curl when homosexuals were mentioned. Add to this my obsession with 'winning campus for Christ' at that time: I had had imaginary conversations with Guy, daydreamed his conversion experience at least once and probably said the occassional prayer that he would come to know Christ. I was torn between openly disapproving what he is and treating him nicely so he would be attracted to Christ.
I look back at him through my rearview mirror. He's trudging up the road. There's no one else but him and I. "Pick him up". I check the clock... I'll be late if I do. I don't even know where he's going. What if he turns me down? I'm almost at the junction to the Business School. Guy is far behind me now. "Pick him up". I turn around. When I stop by him, the surprise is visible. "Come on in". He stares at me, looks around a bit and says, "Me?". His question throws me, but I reply, "Yeah, I'll drop you off. Where are you going?". I lean over and open the door. Guy gets in in the manner of someone asked to estimate the breadth of the universe. "Where are you going?". He looks at me, eyes clouded in confusion. "So you're not afraid of... people like me?". Perplexed brown eyes... an almost hopeful curve to his brow... a sadness that travelled from his voice to a place further than my eardrums . My heart broke.
I haven't told many people this story... and I admit, it's been a long, long time since it came to mind. But when it does, as tonight, I live it out all over again. I remember the conversation Guy and I had before we got to his department. I only felt his pain 5 minutes or less, but I remember it hitting me so hard that the morning was a blur and when I got back to my room, I wept bitterly and asked God, "Forgive me... forgive me".
***
I mentioned earlier that my views on homosexuals have changed. Before my encounter with Guy, I had began thinking along the lines below; but hearing from him, seeing with my own eyes the hurt that I had contributed to with my hardheartedness made me realise: this can't be right. The following statement summarises where I'm at on this issue:
Homosexuality is sin and must be treated as such; homosexuals are sinners and must be treated as such
Which begs the question: how are we to treat sin; and how are we to treat sinners? Is there a difference? Generally, we know God hates sin; but loves sinners (Romans 6:23; John 3:16). But where does that leave us who are to love God? I'll bet you've also heard the statement, "Love the sinner, hate the sin", so many times, it's lost its cuteness. And really, it's one of those true-but-not-so-helpful ones because, really, what does it even mean? I'll unpack my thoughts by considering the statement above in two parts:
Homosexuality is sin...
Some people say homosexuality is different from other sins because it is an abomination to God. I partially agree- it is an abomination to God, but so is lying, envy, casual sex... and every other sin. I doubt God prefers some sin above others. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 lumps lying, alcoholism, casual sex, envy,etc. right along with homosexuality as the unrighteousness that will keep people from God's kingdom.
People say that homosexuality is especially bad because in the OT, God commanded that homosexuals be put to death. But wait, He also asked that of adulterers, people who dishonoured their parents (gulp), some liars, idolaters, extortioners, to name a few (Exodus 21, Leviticus 20, Deuteronomy 21).
Some point to the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah as proof of God's special distaste for homosexuality (Genesis 19-20). I add to that Ezekiel 16:49-50 "Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. They were haughty and did detestable things before me. Therefore I did away with them as you have seen" (NIV). I may be wrong, but when I put both passages together, it sounds to me like God was angry about a lot more than homosexuality in S&G.
What am I driving at? I think many of us use God as a cover; an alibi for our views on homosexuality. If we're so concerned about how God feels about sin, how come we don't act out as strongly against fornication, alcoholism, cheating, lying- others' and ours? So going back to the statement, 'Homosexuality is sin and must be treated as such', I think we must reevaluate the lenses through which we categorise sin. It's a slippery slope. By what criteria are you deciding which sins are badder than others? That brings us to the other half of the statement:
Homosexuals are sinners...
How are we to treat sinners? Quick check- it's Jesus we want to be like, right? The one described as a friend of sinners? (Matthew 11:19). Apparently, sin isn't transmitted via compassion or kindness. And treating people as creatures made in the image of God is not equivalent to supporting all their actions and inclinations. I think somebody out there might relate, but for me, for the longest time I was so scared of 'falling into sin' that I didn't want to be friends with anyone who wasn't as staunch a believer as I was. I thank God I grew out of that...
My view is, homosexuals are sinners- just like my friends and family who don't believe in God, who are in sexual relationships outside of marriage, who hold grudges against others- just like me: who used to masturbate, who still has lustful thoughts, who tells lies to get out of tricky situations. Just like all the complicated, not-so-together people in my world that I work out relationships with everyday- because I lovethem... not necessarily what they are/do. I've come to think that we single out homosexuals as a different breed of sinners because they are single-out-able. If you're not gay, you're not- so you an conveniently step back, draw a line and ready your accusing finger. It's much more difficult to pronounce judgement on liars, for example, because we can more easily see ourselves in their situation.
It's easy to believe that people who are not like us do not deserve to be treated as we ourselves would like to be treated: the Slave Trade, the Holocaust, Apartheid, the pharisees and the adulteress. Maybe that's why I have found my thinking more clear when I have thought of homosexuals as no different from me- in terms of depth of and propensity to sin. Guy and "... people like [him]" are sinners, but so am I; and if their sin is as sinful as mine:
I must not encourage, condone or support it. e.g. I mustn't vote in favour of gay marriage; AND
I must treat them as God treats me: with grace. e.g. I mustn't assault a homosexual or rejoice when he/she is assaulted.
My thoughts. Your turn.
**Matthew 7:1-5 "Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults--unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor." (The Message)
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